onemorebounty | Going the Distance [for Verity, Jim]

Sometimes. When needs must.

Ver appreciates Jim not wanting to drag other people into his problems. But there's plenty of ways she can help without anyone else ever knowing. Training together, talking things over... y'know, like what they're doing now. That's pretty safe. It's a start.

"Somehow, I don't think Jim's going to have trouble making friends," she points out.

Safe indeed. What they've discussed so far has already been fairly helpful, as well, so Jim is on board with this talking-it-over-together strategy.

"I usually don't," he agrees, but lopes along a few more paces to think things through. "I'm a shitty actor; you know that," he adds with a glance in Samus' direction. She demonstrated that to him rather thoroughly when she took apart the cover story he'd tried to feed her about what happened with the USS Vengeance, though that might have more to do with her powers of observation than his ability to lie convincingly. "I don't know if I could get away with the same sort of games you see in spy holovids, not yet anyway. But face-to-face isn't the only option." Another few paces while he mulls it over.

"Would it be a bad idea if I sent my fellow captains a letter? I could ask for advice on how to be a more effective leader, in a kind of appealing-to-the-voice-of-experience kind of way, to get some kind of idea how they'd respond to me. Maybe get some decent advice out of it as well as getting a read on them."

*When needs must is the most important time to be brave. Jim's suggestion of a letter prompts some consideration from Samus before she nods.*

A good move. You gain on several fronts, and lose very little. Some of the officers who remember your mentor fondly might be persuaded that his belief in you wasn't ill-placed.

*A few paces roll out before she supplies an addendum.*

And you're not a bad actor, you're just used to one role. It's time for you to wear some new masks.

"I like it," Ver offers. "It'll give you a body of evidence to judge future interactions against, too. People who say one thing in writing but act otherwise in person are usually trying to hide something. Maybe from you, maybe from themselves, but it's worth knowing about."

She doesn't have much to offer regarding the acting, for a variety of reasons.

Since that suggestion passes muster, he makes a mental note of both of their comments, especially Verity's analysis of what else to watch out for. Samus' last remark prompts a side glance in her direction, hesitant and a little uncertain. "Probably a bad idea to field test 'em without any practice first though. I'm still not sure how to approach the admirals, and they're the ones I'm more worried about. They already booted me out of the chair once, and I don't know how the voting went."

*Verity's sense for gathering impressions remains keen, and Samus accords her a nod of agreement.*

No, you ought to get some practice in those other roles where nobody knows you, so you can fine-tune them with a minimum of consequence. As for the admirals, don't approach them yet. Reach out to your peers--classmates and fellow captains. Cultivate a few allies among them, and find out who are the other admirals' favorites and proteges. See what you can find out from them.

Verity listens, keeping pace rather automatically. Her eyes are mostly on Samus or the terrain ahead, but when she speaks up she focuses on Jim. "You're in a place full of people who don't know you," she points out, "and trying on some new behaviors might help with your identity crisis."

He didn't think she hadn't noticed, surely?

"Then you'll know if you can feel comfortable with that sort of tactic before you try and use it. If you don't, we'll figure something else out."

"Work from the bottom up, in other words." He's certainly more comfortable with that, if only because going straight for the top would look suspicious at best. And this way, he might have the support of his peers in any future altercations with the admiralty.

Jim frowns a little in Verity's direction at her suggestion. Not because he hadn't thought she'd noticed his inner turmoil, because he's fairly certain he's been wearing his emotions on his sleeve these last few weeks. "I guess that makes sense. I just hope I like whoever I end up being."

An organic growth--touch those closest to you, then reach through them to the people connected to them, and so on. Top and bottom are less important than close--if your admiral friend were still alive, he'd be one of your first contacts.

*Samus has let up on her attacks for now, but she is steering them into more demanding terrain; they've left the beach for a winding path on an upward slope, lightly forested. The path itself is interrupted by occasional rocks and roots; mostly obstacles that demand only a step or two of detour, but failing to notice one would still be uncomfortable.*

The nice thing about becoming someone you don't like is that you can always change again.

The shift in terrain doesn't surprise her, but it's greeted with a faint sigh. A shift in tactics is called for. The first being, she'll fall back until Jim's between her and Samus. It's a path she's found is best run single-file and he's new. Better to have Ver at his back until he's more familiar.

"Humans can change with remarkably little effort." Compared to some people she's known... "Do you have to change who you are, or do you want to figure out who you are?"

Her tone demands nothing of him; Jim doesn't have to answer, she won't bug him about it. But it's something to think about. Samus may be letting up, but that doesn't mean any of them are finished.

Jim isn't under any delusions that they're done. The harder ground gives him a more solid surface to push against than there was on the beach, though the uphill battle against gravity is enough to keep him working about as hard as before. And now there are obstacles, forcing him to pay attention to the terrain just as much as the conversation.

Well, if nothing else, at least they've... sort of eased into it. And as he's not eager to turn an ankle or stumble and jar his back, he devotes a little more attention to where they're going and what lies in the way, having to find a slightly different stride to adapt.

"I don't know," he answers, after mentally debating that. "It's kind of an ongoing process. I'm already different now than I was a year ago, and that was different than I was when I was fourteen, and so on. It's hard to figure out which me is the 'real' one. Or should be."

*Since Samus is in the lead, she takes in the path ahead at a glance and then twists on her next step, jogging backwards to give Jim a sober look.*

Do you think something can't be real if it changes? You're alive and growing, Jim; the day you stop changing, you're dead.

*Another twist, and she's back to running as usual.*

Is Jim tall enough to block Samus seeing Ver's eyes roll? Because talk about showing off! Yes, she knows this will lead to unwanted extra attention, just sometimes she can't help it.

"Why do you think there's somebody you 'should' be?" Again, the question is asked gently and without pressure. "If you're true to yourself and trying your best, isn't that enough?"

"Yeah, I know," Jim answers Samus, missing the sight of Verity making faces behind him. "That's kinda what I was trying to get at. By the time I figure myself out, I'll already be on my way somewhere else."

Verity's question puts an ironically self-aware look on his face, though she likely can't see it. "I'm... in kind of a weird position of knowing exactly who I would've been if time-travelers from the future hadn't changed the past. I know I shouldn't compare me to the other me, and we're different enough that I probably couldn't be him if I tried, but... Call it the world's dumbest inferiority complex."

*Samus whirls again, and the look she gives Jim this time is distinctly annoyed.*

Don't even start that I-can't-get-there-because-the-goal-is-moving nonsense, you're captain of a starship. You know damn well how to catch up to a place in motion. Don't sabotage yourself as an excuse not to start.

*She gives him a stern eye, then turns again.*

As for your alternate? Speaking as someone who's changed a universe or two with time travel, that's just some stranger with whom you share a few details. If you don't want to stand in his shadow, then make your own light.

Wow, harsh, Samus. Verity stays quiet for a handful of heartbeats, tempering her own tone because she knows this is a subject a little too close to home for her.

"You don't know that's who you would have been," she explains. "Something else might have changed. And anyway, is it bad that you aren't him? There's usually more to heroes than the shiny veneer." Verity reaches forward to pat his shoulder. Pat pat. Comforting's not her strong suit. "You're you. You're doing fine."

Harsh, but shit, sometimes he deserves that kind of kick in the ass. Samus is many things, but an enabler she is not. Stopping the pity party before the train can truly leave the station is probably the best thing to do, not that Jim appreciates the verbal slap in the face at the moment.

But he's also learned that arguing with Samus can be an exercise in stupidity, especially when you haven't put any thought into it first. And part of the point of the post-mortem on his horribly blundered mission was to get him to stop reacting impulsively and emotionally to everything without stopping to consider all the angles first.

He fumes a little as he keeps up the pace, an uncomfortable tension in his back from all the stress he's putting himself through - both emotionally and in terms of exercise, and decides that he's not so much angry with her as he is with himself.

Yeah, okay, what else is new.

"There's that," he grudgingly admits. "It's not a fair comparison either. I saw him at the end of a long and successful career, and I'm just getting started." A thought does occur to him, and he mulls it over before tentatively saying, "I did make captain before he did."

*Harsh truth is one of Samus' strong suits. She's not too bad at derailing trains, either, if it comes to that. She is glad, though, that Verity is there to counter her abrasive remarks with their gentler counterpoints. Jim's admission, when he makes it, gets a laugh. With the trail winding a bit more, she speaks now over her shoulder rather than making full turns.*

See? You're ahead already. Think of it this way: you've seen someone else run the obstacle course you're on right now. In some parts of it, that advance knowledge might help you; in others, maybe not. Either way, it's you running now.

It's still a surprise when Ver realizes how much gentler she is these days. She's grown so used to holding everyone at arm's length with a smirk and a cutting remark that the fact that's not her default behavior anymore leaves her wondering. It makes her wonder what she would have been like without the curse.

It's not a good path for her to go down.

"If you end up happy in life, you've won. It doesn't matter who got what medal or commendation or fancy gold-plated desk set. Just find what makes you happy."

"Living well is the best revenge, huh?" It's not something he used to buy into, but when your world's been turned upside-down, it gives you a new angle on looking at things. Opens you up to new perspectives and ideas you shut out before. And Jim had a long, long time in the hospital where he often had nothing to do but think. Or read. But mostly think.

"'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,'" he says, almost to himself, just enough to bring the rest of the poem to mind. "It's my path to walk and I've got to own that."

*The path enters a denser copse of trees, which prove to be clustered around a shaded clearing where some thoughtful soul has installed benches and a water fountain, and with a gesture Samus calls for a halt and a break. She opts for a pull from the bottle she's been carrying, before giving Jim a sidelong look.*

Who are you getting revenge on, Jim?

Edited 2017-08-10 01:23 (UTC)

Poetry. It makes her smile, for all anyone sees.

The break surprises Samus, but isn't unwelcome. Ver slows her pace gradually, eventually walking in a wide circle around the perimeter of the copse to keep her muscles from cramping. This seems like a good time to let Jim answer the question. She'll keep quiet but offers him a bottle of water.

He hadn't really meant that literally, but the momentary break gives him time to actually think that through. He accepts the water with a grateful nod, and drinks it while he thinks about that.

"Mostly myself, I guess. My own expectations. I used to think I didn't really even have a future, when I was a kid. Kinda just... kept thinking that as I grew up. Hearing about the other me didn't help, and the other Spock kept looking at me like he expected me to be the other Jim, so it felt like I didn't measure up or something. But like you said... I'm not him and I shouldn't compare myself."

Jim stretches his legs a bit, before sitting down on one of the benches to rub at his back. He shouldn't rest for too long, he knows that, but he's trained himself to take advantage of any opportunity to rest or refuel. Even just a momentary breather can make a difference.

*Samus' lips quirk in amusement; she'd intended this clearing as a little test of Jim's situational awareness, but Verity's protective instincts seem to be in fine form. That's alright, too.*

Revenge on yourself? How masochistic. Although I suppose living well is probably the least self-destructive way you can attack yourself, so... I'm not entirely sure how to weigh that.

*She's teasing, Jim. Probably. Then her attention turns to Verity, even as a slight shift in posture brings her into a ready stance--all the warning her pupil gets or needs for what's coming next.*

How're you feeling at this point, without the weights?

Verity's protective instincts are just about the only ones she has that work. If they're working well she must be getting better.

Was that teasing? She's pretty sure that was teasing. She's halfway through a smirk when Samus turns on to her. Taking in the change, Ver closes up her own water bottle and steps away from Jim before shifting her posture to a more steady stance ready for defense. "Fine. I'm not having an easy day today, am I?"

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Argh I accidentally erased the entire comment and had to start over

Aw, deep sympathies!

http://bit.ly/2w58hb5

<3

Truly, you have a gift for giffing.

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